They're all gonna laugh at me.

I'm going to get a pedicure today. How Beverly Hills of me.

I'm going to sit there and be violated by a massage chair while getting disgusted looks from the Vietnamese lady doing my nails. She's going to tell me that I need to lotion my heels. Then she's going to discuss the fact that I'm a disgusting pig of a human being* in Vietnamese with the lady next to her. They're going to laugh and laugh. I'm starting to develop a complex. Then, someone will come along and offer to do a matching manicure. I will accept her offer, because I think it will make them like me, but it doesn't. The manicure lady is now laughing. They're all laughing at me. It's like high school all over again.

By the time I leave, whatever ounce of self esteem I had has been annihilated.
But at least my feet look nice.


*There is a chance they're discussing something completely unrelated to my fat ugly feet, but it's pretty slim.

Neglected child.

I'm waiting for my parents to pick me up to drive me somewhere.

I don't know what's sadder,

A) Having my parents drive me somewhere at the age of 30 or

B) I think they forgot about picking me up.

Bad ass.

Tonight, Nick informed me that one of his friends thinks I'm contrary because I hate organized fun like Halloween and theme parties.

This. Is. Awesome.
I have a reputation.
How fucking Rock and Roll is that?

This is creeping me out.

I've had Crimson and Clover in my head for the past week.






This is the creepiest song ever written.

The 60's were messed up.

I totally forgot about this....

.... One of my awkward childhood pictures has made it into the Awkward family photos desk calendar.

Now, I know what y'all are thinking - Christene in a Calendar? She must be the new Snap on tools girl!

Sadly, no.

Maybe next year.

This year, it's a picture of me as an infant posing with my Grandmother and the Hamburgular.

I'm pretty sure that asshole stole my burger, that's why I look so angry.

I made pork chops for dinner tonight.

And every time, without fail, I think about that episode of the Brady Bunch where Peter Brady very obnoxiously starts talking like James Cagney and is all like "Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

I can't stop saying it.

God Freaking help me. Please.

Back to old blog.

After much consideration, I've decided to use this blog again.

I'm keeping people on their toes.

Let's be honest, no one reads this anyway.